"I live in my own little world, but it's ok, they know me here."
"Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with."
"I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect."
"Everyday I beat my own previous recodrd for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive"
"I earn a seven figure salary, unfortunately, there's a decimal point involved."
"Eagles may fly, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."